If Your Friend Is Funny Enough, You Get Free Snacks

Alternate title: Stephen Colbert, The Only Good Man?

Themes: Snacks, friendship, getting snacks for free, when snacks are good, when snacks are free and good

If you were worried about me last week, you can go ahead and breathe a sigh of relief this week! Some good stuff happened. Just now, at 8:42pm, well like 30 minutes ago, I got home from the Ed Sullivan theatre. The Ed Sullivan theatre? You ask, looking up from the figurine you’re painting. What’s there? Well, I’ll tell you. That’s where they tape the Colbert show. You know Stephen Colbert, the smart, charismatic only good man?? Just kidding, Jack Black also exists, but one of few.

I was there since 1:25pm today, seven American hours, because my friend, Ariel Elias, filmed a late night set. When your friends are funny and successful, it means you get a lot of snacks. BOY did I get a lot of snacks. This day, March 6th 2024, was so beautiful and perfect. Let me set the scene: It’s raining. You didn’t think a perfect day could have rain did you? Well, this one did.

It’s raining, I take two trains to the Ed Sullivan theatre, reading almost to the end of Transcendent Kingdom but not quite, weeping in public. This is a quietly achingly beautiful book about addiction and family that was an emotionally difficult read for me at this current time in my life, but so worth it. After I was sufficiently sad, I got to the theatre!!

We kind of did not know how to get in so I went to the front and knocked on the closed glass after a different man was turned away and said, “I’m here to see my friend, she’s the comedian on the show tonight?” and was greeted by a very Irish man I’m sure named John who immediately was like, “Oh she just got here. You go around the side-let me take you” and accompanied me to the side door. He said ‘She was just here, waiting outside’ and I said, “Pretty huh?” and he said “Yeah!” with an excitement that did not seem creepy at all, more awe. We chatted the half a block around the corner and after getting to the door and seeing Omi (?) he goes, “Is your name on the list?” and I said, “Yeah it should be” and then I was whisked away by an intern named Hope who gave me a sticker/name tag.

She took me through some wind-y hallways (wind like a clock not wind like a breeze) and then there was my friend!!!!!! I was very wet and not the good kind but we still hugged. It was just the two of us, her husband and everyone else came a little bit later. She showed me all the amenities the room had to offer, which was many. Mostly taking the form of artisanal snacks, but also a robe, a goodie bag, teas, honey, and many kinds of milk. I love free food especially snacks so we sampled the Beecher’s cheese, spicy fancy chips, baked goods, crunchy soft pretzels (tied soft pretzels that were baked until they were crunchy, something you should never do) and crostinis. There was also a snack table outside, and the amount of snacks I left with would kill a baby. But actually anything would kill a baby, I learned recently they can’t even drink water.

After I gushed for about two minutes about how cool and amazing it all was, she shared with me something she wrote the night before about how everyone coming with her would provide different things, and my thing was that I would remind her how cool it was and keep her from feeling jaded or cynical. Seen!!! She and I walked into the theatre from backstage and she did a soundcheck and ran her set. I sat in the audience and got to see her from the second row! The stage/theatre were gorgeous, a domed ceiling with stained glass to look like the stars. We went back to the dressing room and soon everyone else (our friend Molly and Ariel’s husband Shaki) came as did more food. Leo, one of the interns brought a big box of cookies from Chip City, (something I had never heard of, but they are big, chewy and crunchy, and the size of deflated softball) and QR code menus to order lunch.

Molly got an arugula salad and spicy penne pasta from Serafina, Ariel and I got sushi plates from Sugarfish called “Trust Me” that were 37 and 48 dollars respectively. 48 dollars worth of good sushi will change you as a person, and I feel changed.

We were hanging, chatting, watching a little Seinfeld and the show on the monitors, then out of NOWHERE, Stephen Colbert appears in the room. Appeared. Like a well-dressed ghost. He introduced himself/shook hands with every person then told Ariel that he was scrolling and saw her and got people to get in touch with her. That she was his personal pick. He said a few more things and then left just as quickly as he came.

It was, indescribably amazing. He had this presence I’ve just never felt before. I don’t think it was just celebrity, I’ve met other famous people, I’d have to think if there was anyone as famous as him, but I’ve met Louis C.K. and Tiffany Haddish, but this was different. There was something about him, how he was. It was moving. Seeing him say that to her, I don’t fully understand why but I was speechless afterward. I cried a little. I could have cried more. Everyone felt it, and it was really something. Special. It’s something I don’t think I'll ever forget, but just in case, I’m happy I’m documenting it here.

Then things just started moving a little quicker, she did hair and makeup, got into the outfit she decided on, and then the show was on, we watched the monologue, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and heard the band through the stairwell. Shaki and I watched it in the back of the audience, so Hope led us up to the upper level and we waited for a break to open the doors. They set up two chairs for us and we tucked ourselves in.

Then Ariel came out! She addressed this thing that happened at a show in New Jersey that went viral where a woman was heckling her, then her husband threw a full can of beer onstage at Ariel and she chugged it. She talked about this event, weaving in jokes about politics and trauma and the night, and the audience was so with her, they gasped and clapped and laughed in all the right places. Ariel was so calm, cool, collected, in control. It was incredible to see. I was/am so proud of her. It’s all a mental game at this point, you’ve run the set, done thousands of sets, but it’s not letting the bigness of the moment get to you, scare you, shake you off what you know how to do. Not everyone can do that and Ariel can. It was so great to see. I was clapping and cheering and took many I’m sure illegal photos but I was trying to be quick.

She ended her set, Stephen came out and stood with her and congratulated while the audience cheered and applauded. Standing ovation!! Then Shaki and I ran back out and went back down to the dressing room. So so so good.

Molly drove me home and feeling the energy of the day while driving over the bridge, seeing the skyline and all the lights glowing in the rain, there’s nothing else like it. I love New York so much. I cannot imagine a more special place and I’ve been to Italy!! I love Italy but it’s just different here, there’s a different thing. Some places feel special and beautiful because of the history, the past, and some places feel special and exciting and beautiful because of moments that are happening right now. New York makes me feel that way. I love being here so so much and days like this are an incredible reminder of that.

I kept telling Ariel, this is the coolest thing that’s happened to me and I’m not even doing it! But witnessing your friends succeed is a victory in itself and seeing someone who has worked so hard get something they deserve, it makes the world feel good for a second. Just one!! Then we watched the monologue jokes about Trump gaining in the polls and were reminded everything is bad again. But that second was so nice :)

The stuff with my family did not get miraculously solved in one week, shocking, but I did have a difficult but good conversation with my dad (outside of the G train/Kellogg’s diner) for 42 minutes in the cold that made me feel like he cares and is trying to understand and listen, which is all I’m asking for!! I really needed that and I feel so appreciative and grateful to him. Life is tough.

Things I did this week: spent many hours at the doctor, getting an antibiotic that will cure some symptoms I have had for a while that are hopefully caused by a rogue UTI gone undetected.

EJ and I pulled the trigger and got tickets for me to go visit him during his Spring Break (*James Franco voice* Spriiiingggg Braaaaaakeee iykyk) by doing tarot together over the phone. The cards we pulled were The World (amazing, everything is good, life is working out) and The Tower (an earth-shattering event is coming, batten down the hatches, flames, everything is on fire, etc). These I actually found very helpful because that is how this stuff with my family feels and it made me realize I don’t have to go through this alone, I can be with the person I love, getting forehead kisses, eating snacks. So we got the tickets, I’m going in like three days, I’m so so excited. He is an angel and I can’t wait to be with him. And see the kids!!!

The internet I spent hours on the phone and days trying to coordinate is set up and it’s a little slow. This made me irrationally frustrated and sad but now I’ve accepted it a little. We’ll see. The real test will be when I have to do a Zoom. I hope some miracle happens where by me doing nothing, the problem solves itself. Fingers crossed!

I cut my own bangs, I can’t remember when exactly that happened, if I already wrote about it but I did it. They look fine, I did very minimal cuts so it’s really not that noticeable but I’m proud of myself and I feel like it looks better. I got passport photos for my job in a 24 hour CVS that I thought looked beleaguered and laughably bad but I showed to Ariel and Molly and they said I looked hot and French. Sometimes being tired and crying works!!

I hung out with my friend Lillith this week, got some snacks (so many snacks this week! That’s how you know it’s a good week) and we talked, laughed, she showed me a project she shot with a friend that’s 10 two minute episodes of a show they want to make that was SO GOOD. I was laughing so much in the two minutes I couldn’t believe! And it was funny in a new great way that I haven’t seen before. I was so happy and proud for her, and excited.

I went to an event at the psychedelic library called McKenna Mondays, where they set out puzzles and coloring books and pizza, and play a lecture by Terence McKenna for an hour and people just listen, color, etc. I didn’t know who he was before volunteering there but he’s an ethnobotanist that is huge in the psychedelic community for being a genius and influential and smart. He and his brother wrote a lot of books and papers about the use of psychedelics and culture and a lot of different stuff. I really enjoyed the lecture and colored a very pretty mandala/design I also took notes on.

I saw my friend Emma (busy week!!!) at the store she works at, Plus BKLYN, a plus size store that’s so cute and fun. I got some clothes from a Buy Nothing group that had gone through a lot of people before getting to me so I didn’t feel bad about taking what I didn’t want there and donating them for either cash or store credit. I didn’t think I was going to buy anything but I remembered I have my friends wedding in May coming up and I looked around and found a very cool body/jumpsuit that has really interesting lines that I’m actually excited about. It was originally 30 and I got 27.something of store credit so I bought it for 2 dollars. It was nice to see Emma and hang, and try on some clothes! Being in a store where you can find a lot of things that fit you is so freeing. Wish there were more places like that.

Last night I got a Too Good To Go that was disappointing and started watching First Daughter, a movie from 2004 starring Katie Holmes about the President’s (Michael Keaton) daughter going to college. It is directed by Forest Whitaker. This sent me down a little rabbit hole because I also knew Forest Whitaker directed Hope Floats, a Sandra Bullock movie about a woman finding herself after she leaves an abusive marriage. Is Forest Whitaker a girl’s girl?? He also directed Waiting to Exhale, so I think definitively, yes.

I finally got my period, my doctor said it’s normal for it to take a few months after going off Nuva Ring to get it back. We also discovered it raised my iron into the acceptable zone. Nuva Ring is crazy because it cured my anemia, but made me want to kill myself. Complicated!! Anemia doesn’t feel real to me, I do not feel weak or tired. I think I am very strong, stronger with anemia than many other people who don’t have anemia. I can carry a dresser in the rain! Can you imagine how strong I’d be if my blood worked? Too strong, that’s why God did this to me. Toughest battles to his prettiest soldiers, blah blah blah.

My boyfriend has never seen Roadhouse but we’re going to watch it when I’m there and I texted him a signed picture of the cast and said, “This means nothing to you right now but it will very soon.” I love Roadhouse. It fits the Braveheart, Patriot, Payback (we did not know about Mel Gibson’s anti-semitism when I was 8) family of movies where one man has to solve all his problems by punching other people in the face. I love those movies with all my heart. They’re so simple. Did something fucked up happen? Did you try punching someone in the face? Wow, fixed.

I think emotionally a lot of other stuff happened, this is a crazy time and I’m feeling a lot of things always but I’m doing my best and I think my best is good enough. I am self-medicating with weed, movies, writing, reading, working out and friendship and those things are just magic.

I hope your week is going well! Watch Ariel’s set!! Love you. Here are some pictures:

Thank you for reading!!! I ate so many of these snacks already!!

Julie